In the high-pressure world of restaurants, there’s one ingredient that can spoil success faster than a power outage on a busy Saturday night: ego. While confidence is essential in this business, an unchecked ego can be the silent killer of promising culinary ventures and hospitality careers.
The One Ingredient to Use Sparingly
You need confidence, belief in yourself, and yes, a healthy ego telling you that you’re talented, creative, and capable of turning your restaurant dreams into reality. But there’s a crucial difference between self-assurance and self-importance.
What you don’t need is such an inflated ego that you believe you’re too good to wash dishes, treat staff with respect, or accept constructive criticism. The moment you start wondering how anyone could dare critique your food, service, or establishment, you’ve crossed into dangerous territory.
The Great Cookie Catastrophe
Let me share a personal story that perfectly illustrates this point.
A friend once insisted I try what he called “the greatest chocolate chip cookie ever made.” After some persistence on his part, I reluctantly agreed. To my surprise, it actually was exceptional—perhaps the best cookie I’d ever tasted.
Seeing potential, I connected the baker with a friend who owned one of the largest vending companies in the country. If he liked the cookies, we could potentially distribute them through his vending infrastructure. This could have been a massive opportunity for the baker.
I arranged for a fresh batch to be delivered directly to my vending-company friend’s plane when he landed in Las Vegas. He tasted them and delivered his verdict: he didn’t like them. Specifically, he thought the outside tasted stale, despite being freshly baked.
When I relayed this feedback to the baker, his reaction was… well, awful. Despite having what I genuinely believed was an outstanding product, his inability to handle criticism without taking it personally likely cost him a major business opportunity. His ego got in the way of either fixing an issue or persevering without becoming defensive.
Criticism: Your Secret Ingredient for Growth
In the restaurant industry, criticism comes from everywhere—customers, staff, vendors, critics, and even family. The way you respond to this feedback can determine your success or failure.
If you become defensive, make excuses, or turn confrontational when receiving criticism, you’re setting yourself up for failure. The most successful restaurateurs view feedback as valuable data, not personal attacks.
When someone doesn’t like your signature dish or suggests improvements to your service model, you have two productive options:
- Evaluate and adjust – Consider whether there’s merit to the criticism and make changes accordingly
- Stand firm with grace – If you believe in your approach, respectfully acknowledge the feedback without becoming defensive
What never works is option three: lashing out, dismissing the critic, or taking it as a personal affront.
When Family Becomes Critics
“But my mom likes my recipe!” might be the most dangerous phrase in the restaurant industry.
Here’s a harsh reality: while your family and friends told you your food is fantastic, they may not be your most objective critics. And when they do offer constructive criticism, it can be particularly difficult to hear.
Many aspiring restaurateurs expect unconditional support from their inner circle. When family members or friends suggest improvements or express concerns, it can feel like betrayal. But their perspective may be exactly what you need to hear.
The ability to receive feedback from those closest to you—without defensiveness—is a crucial skill for any restaurant owner. Remember that their criticism likely comes from a place of wanting to see you succeed.
The Changing Face of Chef Culture
The stereotype of the egotistical French chef screaming in the kitchen is becoming a relic of the past. That barrier has been broken by the new chefs of the twenty-first century.
While media still portrays some chefs with outsized egos, the reality is shifting. Many of the most successful restaurateurs today—Wolfgang Puck, Piero Selvaggio, Nobu Matsuhisa, and the late Paul Prudhomme among them—are known for their humility and willingness to support others in the industry.
As these culinary legends have discovered, confidence in your abilities doesn’t require arrogance or self-importance. The most respected figures in our industry combine technical mastery with gracious humility—a far more sustainable approach to long-term success.
Finding Your Confidants
Running a restaurant is incredibly challenging, and there will be moments when you need to vent. The key is choosing the right audience for those moments.
Don’t whine to your family and friends about every difficulty. They may perceive (rightly or wrongly) that you’ve made a huge mistake and should walk away—putting your restaurant in a negative light before it has a chance to succeed.
Instead, find one or two confidants or mentors in the industry (not vendors) with whom you can speak candidly. These should be people who understand the unique pressures of the business and can provide both emotional support and practical guidance.
For everyone else—including your parents—maintain positivity when discussing your restaurant. Negative talk colors perceptions, and you want everyone to associate your establishment with positive experiences.
The Warmth of Humility in Hospitality
The word “hospitality” shares roots with “hospital,” “hospice,” and “hostel”—all places where caring for others is paramount. At its core, the restaurant business is about service and making others feel welcome.
When ego takes center stage, this fundamental purpose gets lost. Customers can sense when a restaurant owner or chef is more concerned with their own vision or reputation than with providing a genuinely hospitable experience.
Think about the restaurants you return to again and again. Chances are, they make you feel valued and welcome. This feeling stems from genuine humility—the understanding that the customer’s experience matters more than the owner’s or chef’s ego.
Practical Tips for Keeping Ego in Check
- Start each day with gratitude – Remind yourself of the privilege of doing what you love and serving others
- Invite honest feedback – Create systems that encourage candid input from staff and customers
- Celebrate your team’s successes – Make sure credit is distributed, not hoarded
- Work every station – Regularly perform tasks at all levels of your operation to stay grounded
- Study the greats – Learn from humble industry leaders who’ve sustained success
- Keep learning – Attend workshops, read books, and stay curious about new techniques and approaches
- Remember your beginnings – No matter how successful you become, never forget the challenges and lessons of your early days
When Criticism Strikes on Social Media
In today’s digital landscape, criticism doesn’t just happen in person—it unfolds publicly on review sites and social media platforms. A negative review that might once have been shared with a few friends can now reach thousands.
The principles for handling this public criticism remain the same: respond with grace, avoid defensiveness, and look for the useful feedback within the criticism. The difference is that your response is also public, making your handling of the situation even more important.
View online criticism as an opportunity to demonstrate your commitment to improvement and customer satisfaction. A thoughtful, non-defensive response to a negative review can actually enhance your reputation more than a string of five-star ratings.
The Ultimate Test: Can You Handle the Truth?
Jack Nicholson’s famous line from “A Few Good Men”—”You can’t handle the truth!”—has particular relevance for restaurant owners. The truth about your food, service, ambiance, and overall concept will emerge, whether from critics, customers, or the market itself.
The question is: Can you handle it?
Those who approach criticism with humility and openness often find ways to refine their concepts and strengthen their businesses. Those who react with ego and defensiveness typically struggle to evolve and ultimately fail.
Conclusion: Humble Pie Is Always on the Menu
Success in the restaurant industry requires a delicate balance: enough confidence to pursue your vision, combined with enough humility to adapt when necessary. The most enduring restaurants aren’t necessarily those with the most innovative concepts or the most talented chefs—they’re the ones led by people humble enough to put the customer experience above their own egos.
As you build your restaurant career, remember that criticism isn’t your enemy—it’s valuable data that can help you improve. A willingness to listen, learn, and occasionally serve yourself a slice of humble pie might be the most important recipe for long-term success.
Want to learn more about building a successful restaurant? Check out our articles on how new flavor trends are reshaping menus in 2025 and how upcycling is revolutionizing hospitality.
What was your biggest lesson in humility as a restaurant owner or hospitality professional? Share your story in the comments below.
Written by Michael Politz, Author of Guide to Restaurant Success: The Proven Process for Starting Any Restaurant Business From Scratch to Success (ISBN: 978-1-119-66896-1), Founder of Food & Beverage Magazine, the leading online magazine and resource in the industry. Designer of the Bluetooth logo and recognized in Entrepreneur Magazine’s “Top 40 Under 40” for founding American Wholesale Floral. Politz is also the founder of the Proof Awards and the CPG Awards and a partner in numerous consumer brands across the food and beverage sector.
